


Nobody Knows

by llcflms



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: F/M, hinami joins :re AU, possible future touken, rating of the fic might change to an E later on
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-23
Updated: 2019-04-24
Packaged: 2019-11-28 18:27:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18211979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/llcflms/pseuds/llcflms
Summary: Hinami constantly questions her place in :re and how she's a burden on everyone. Ayato wonders what he's doing in Aogiri right now. In an AU where they meet through different circumstances, Hinami realises she finds exactly what she wants in Ayato while Ayato's unusual interest in her has him hiding his true identity from her.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Thank you so much for coming here. I won't talk so much now but there's something I want to say first. 
> 
> 'Nobody Knows'-- the title of this fic-- is taken from a Day6 song of the same name, so do check it out! It sets the tone of the fic pretty well, especially for Ayato's side of the story. If you want to, and I highly recommend it (COUGH), please feel free to listen to the song while you're reading.
> 
> Please forgive me for any typos or grammatical mistakes I might have made in the chapter. I was really sleepy when I wrote it lmao. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy the fic! :)

The day starts out pretty much like any other normal day. Touka wakes her up, nagging about her late-night reading habits and how it’s always a chore to wake her. As she does every morning, Hinami wonders if she should get an alarm. But there is something touching and comforting about having Touka wake her up every morning. She’s already seventeen, but having Touka dote and spoil her like this makes her feel as if those old days aren’t that long gone. Their lives may be bleak sometimes, but at least, she’s still the same Touka that had protected her all those years ago. 

 

Many things have gone; many of their friends have left. But this is one thing she doesn’t want to lose. Touka. Yomo. Nishio. Irimi. Koma. Banjou. The gas masks. She doesn’t see all of them every day but they’re still together. She loves it when Banjou comes over and when Nishio happens to be staying over too. She loves watching them laugh and talk over alcohol, getting drunk and having fun. Nights like that are the best-- so much better than the nights when Touka sits by herself in her room, crying herself to sleep. Hinami can hear Touka; her room is right next door. Every time Touka cries, Hinami feels like crying too. They might be able to pretend that what they have is happy and carefree, but aside from the typical worries that gnaw at a ghoul’s belly-- the fear of being found out and hunted, the guilt over killing and eating-- there’s always a melancholic cloud that hangs overhead. This isn’t complete. They are not happy. 

  
Without Kaneki, nothing will be complete. 

 

Hinami shakes her head, jumping out of bed with a loud sigh. She’s not going to let that bring her down. Today is a new day of new possibilities. Whatever little happiness is still there. They can still guard what they have. Right now, she has to get down to work and help Touka and Yomo up with opening the store. 

 

She puts on the uniform and pulls her hair into a low ponytail. She’s thankful for how simple :re’s uniform is compared to Anteiku’s. It’s merely a t-shirt and an apron over. It doesn’t take too long to put on. It’s comfortable. It’s easy to move around it. Yet, Hinami still feels some sadness thinking about it. Anteiku’s uniform was cute. She would love to wear it but she can’t, not when it had been destroyed and torn down to the ground. 

 

There she goes again. The sadness keeps coming all of a sudden like this. Even the littlest things can make her memories go back to the terrible times she wishes to forget. She wonders if it’s the same for Touka. Does looking at the cafe make her think of Anteiku-- of Kaneki? Does looking at the schoolgirls that hang about the cafe make her think of school? Hinami wonders every day but she never asks. She never wants to bring up painful things.

 

She checks her mirror to ensure she’s smiling before she leaves the room and walks down to the cafe. Everyone with the exception of Nishio is there. Touka and Yomo are checking the beans. Irimi is wiping some cups. Koma is finishing up what’s left of the mopping. When she arrives, everyone turns and looks at her. 

 

“Good morning,” they say, in different variation and intonations, but at the same time, it feels just like one voice. That’s right. Even if they have people missing, even if they have painful memories, this moment is real. Everyone here is united and together. 

 

They’ll be fine. 

 

“Where’s Nishio-san?” Hinami asks, noticing the bespectacled man’s absence. Nishio doesn’t do much work in the cafe. He’s taken over Yomo’s role from Anteiku-- hunting for food and keeping an eye on things outside. But he’s normally here before opening hours. 

 

“He was out late last night so he’s still asleep,” Touka grumbles, staring upwards murderously as if her eyes can burn through the ceiling and to him. 

 

“What was he doing all night?” Koma asks. He walks over to the counter and leans against it, spinning the mop with one hand. 

 

“Who knows?” Touka murmurs, shrugging nonchalantly. 

 

Touka does and Hinami knows that. It’s hard for anyone to really keep secrets from her here. As she’s gotten older, her hearing has only improved greatly. She hears everything without trying. She knows about Touka’s late night talks with Nishio. Touka has spent so much time warning him about how dangerous what he’s doing is. 

 

Hinami can’t disagree. Nishio has been hunting ghouls from Aogiri one by one. He’s heard some rumour about his ex-girlfriend being abducted by the organization and he’s been trying to save her. He has put himself right on the CCG’s radar-- they’re calling him the S~ rated Serpent. Hinami has seen news about him appearing on the tv and the newspapers. But Touka never brings it up publicly and Nishio barely responds to it whenever its mentioned on tv. Hinami supposes it’s normal for them. They must be used to pretending that everything is okay. It’s part of what being a ghoul is. But she’s never been like that. When she used to hear and read about news regarding the CCG’s hunt for the Daughter Ghoul, her heart would beat rapidly, her palms sweat and her eyes well up regardless of how much she wants to pretend to be okay. She can never be like them. She’s unable to fight like they are. She can’t commit herself to their facades the same way all of them do. It’s impossible.

 

_ I’m useless. _

 

Hinami knows she’s simply a burden and she’s going to remain a burden as long as she stays in :re. But she has nowhere else to go, no one else to be with. Staying with Banjou means she’ll burden him as well. Besides, the gas masks have their own operations. She’d feel bad if she sat there doing nothing while everyone else slaved hard day after day. At the very least, in :re, she’s able to work as a waitress. 

 

A fleeting thought surfaces in her mind-- an old memory of a tiny card she has hidden tucked away in the pages of her copy of The Black Goat’s Egg. She shakes her head. No, there’s no need to involve a stranger. 

 

“Hinami, why don’t you open up the shop,” Touka says. Just as she has done back when Anteiku still stood, Hinami carries their signage out, leaving it at a corner of the pavement she. The cafe is open now. She can’t let her thoughts wander freely anymore. She’ll continue to do her best. Right now, that would mean working hard in the cafe. 

 

The day goes on pretty mundanely. There aren’t many customers. The idleness starts making Hinami restless, but there’s nothing she can do aside from standing at the counter and waiting or moving to the back room and chatting mindlessly with everyone else. It’s an easy day without any problems. At any other time, this might be a rare occasion. Back when she lived with Kaneki in the 6th ward, every day held some kind of surprised. There wasn’t a day when none of them weren’t at edge. It was a constant battle, a war. They had to always be prepared. Things might not be perfect now, but compared to other times, it’s relaxing and easy. 

 

There’s something about the ease that makes her uneasy. 

 

“Hinami,” Touka calls from the back room. It’s nearing the end of the day by now. The sun is about to set. Hinami leaves her spot from the counter and heads behind. There are more customers now than there were for the rest of the day, but Yomo, Irimi and Koma are more than enough labour for this group. They’re Anteiku veterans after all.

 

When Hinami enters the room, she sees Touka crouched in front of their storage cabinet, frowning as she’s looking through them. She raises her head when she senses Hinami and gets up, wiping her hands on her apron. 

 

“Do you mind dropping by the store to get some coffee beans? It seems I must have miscounted the other day and we got the supply number wrong,” Touka sighs, rubbing her temples. She looks exhausted. Touka has been working hard and Hinami wonders if maybe she’s pushing herself too much again. It had been hard to set the cafe up and they had a lot of problems with the finances in the beginning. Things had picked up now, but Hinami knows that Touka still continues to work just as hard. Since :re is a home for  _ him _ , Touka cannot afford to lose it, not until the man she’s waiting for returns. 

 

Hinami doesn’t want Touka to fight alone so whenever she can, she jumps at the opportunity to help. “Sure, Onee-chan!” 

 

Touka smiles before she reaches into her pockets. She takes her wallet out and pulls out a couple of notes. “It’s already late so maybe you should take a taxi. I think there’s enough for today so you don’t have to rush back. I just want to make sure we have at least enough for tomorrow.” 

 

Taking a taxi would save a lot of time, but walking would save some cash. But Hinami knows that Touka is right about the time. Even Hinami doesn’t like being out late on her own. She takes some of the notes, but not all-- just enough for one cab ride. 

 

“I’ll walk there and take one home. You can save the rest of the money, Onee-chan!” Hinami replies, grinning widely. Touka stares at her for a moment and Hinami can see the hint of resistance in her eyes. But Touka backs down, smiles and keeps the remaining money back into her wallet. 

 

“Suit yourself. Just don’t stay out too late. It’s dangerous. Don’t forget, Banjou’s coming over today!” 

 

Hinami had forgotten completely. But this information only incentivises her to hurry back. She doesn’t see Banjou as frequently anymore. She misses not having him around all the time. He was always nice and kind to her. She can’t see Kaneki and Tsukiyama anymore. Banjou and the gas masks are her only remaining connection to her 6th ward times. She wants to talk to him again. 

 

While :re might be pretty empty and quiet today, it isn’t the case for the streets of Tokyo which continue to be bustling and awake with activity. Even though no one is looking for her anymore, she keeps her head down and continues walking straight. The last she heard, the CCG had dropped their search for the Daughter Ghoul and their 20th ward Rabbit investigation has veered in a very weird direction towards Aogiri now. There is nothing for her to worry about. Her name has been cleared. But the name ‘Fueguchi’ continues to remain in the CCG’s databases. She has to be careful. There might still be someone out there who’s seen her face before. She knows the chance is unlikely, but every time she steps out, she swept with paranoia. 

 

But it’s fine. Outside, she’s Fue Hinami. 

 

Her trip to the store is quick. She manages to locate the coffee beans pretty quickly, relying more so on smell than sight. The packagings might be confusing at times, but the smell is always the same. It reminds her of the scent that greeted her every time she stepped into Anteiku. The nostalgic smell is always easy to pick out among the other foreign ones. She leaves the shop after spending more time standing in line than picking the beans out. 

 

Her hands are full and she’s glad that Touka had suggested taking a taxi in the first place. She can’t imagine having to carry all the beans home. She walks a little until she finds a less busier street and waits silently, keeping a lookout for any taxis in sight. She doesn’t end up waiting long because in a short while, one pulls up right by her. She’s about to enter but stops when she notices someone already in the cab. He sits pretty relaxedly in the back seat, leaning backwards with his arms in his pockets and his legs crossed. He’s saying something to the driver. Hinami can probably hear his words if she focuses a little, but she sees no reason to so she stands and waits, still keeping an eye on the road in the event that maybe another one might happen to show up while the two in this one continue to talk.

 

None stops by her, but she sees the boy in the back seat of the current taxi move. He doesn’t offer the driver any money. Instead, he simply throws open the door and slides out. Hinami starts to move, readying herself to climb into it. But she stops, feeling a hand grab her arm and pull her backwards. The door to the taxi is shut in her face and before she even gets to react to it, the taxi starts to drive away. She stays in that position for a few seconds before she turns to the person who had stopped her. It’s the boy who had just gotten out. 

 

She’s about to protest when she stops. A new scent is wafting into her nose. She’s so close to him that she’s sure it’s from him. A chill runs down her spine. She’s smelled this before. She’s smelled it so much, in fact. It’s the same heavy metallic smell that hung on Kaneki whenever he got back home after his missions with Tsukiyama and Banjou. It’s the smell that wafted about them as Touka desperately fought to protect her from Mado, crimson staining her clothes, the walls and the water around them. She had always hated this smell; Kaneki knew it as well and he’d always take showers before coming to spend time with her after his missions.

 

It’s the smell of blood. 

 

She lets herself breathe, overwhelmed by the nauseating stench. If Kaneki had smelled bad, this boy smells worse. The smell is much heavier, as if the blood on his hands had continued to build up as he lived. She can’t tell what she’s smelling on him. It’s neither human, nor is it ghoul, but at the same time, she can smell humans and she can smell ghouls. On Kaneki, all she smelled was ghouls; all he killed were ghouls. This boy must be a ruthless killer. He kills more than her big brother did; he kills indiscriminately. He must be the kind of ghoul that Touka has warned her about. 

 

She dares a look at his face. His expression is blank as he looks down on her. 

 

He is handsome, though. 

 

“Oh, you’re a ghoul,” he says flatly, furrowing his brows as if something about her had pissed him off. She stares at him in disbelief. He’s getting annoyed with her--  _ for what? _ He’d just grabbed her out of nowhere. He’d close the taxi door in her face. He’d made her miss her ride home. He did all that but now  _ he’s _ annoyed? 

 

She shrugs her arm out of his grip, fixing him with a glare. Regret washes over her the moment she takes a breath and his scent fills her nostrils again. She’s looking at this ghoul in defiance. She pissed someone like this off. She probably should back down immediately and apologise like the good girl she is, before leaving immediately back home. That’s what Touka always tells her to do in times of trouble. Don’t go picking fights. She stands no chance. She should just come back home. Everyone else would deal with it. She just has to rely on them as usual. As always. Hinami knows that at this rate, nothing is going to change. She’s going to stay useless forever. 

 

She decides to do something that Touka would disapprove of completely. She maintains the glare, fuming up at the boy in front of her. He’s bigger than her. She’s grown taller than before, but he still towers over her. Even though he’s wearing a coat, she can tell that he’s well-muscled under it. He’s probably a trained and experienced fighter. He could snap her in half without breaking a sweat. She’s digging her own grave right now. But she doesn’t stop. She trudges forward. 

 

“What was that for?” she asks. She nudges her head towards the direction which the taxi had gone towards.

 

The boy is confused for a moment and he turns back and looks at the road, now bustling with other cars and with the taxi long gone. He turns back to her and sighs, raising both his hands up in defeat. “I thought you were a human so I stopped you,” he admits. 

 

Ghouls stopping random humans out of nowhere can only mean one thing, especially if it’s someone who is accustomed to killing as he is. She forces the fear down her throat and deep into her gut. She can’t let even a tremble out in her voice. She can’t shiver. She can’t be scared. She needs to stand up straight and meet him head-on. 

 

“Were you going to eat me?” She lowers her voice into a whisper. The people walking past them seem to busy with their own lives to really bother about two random teenagers arguing over a taxi, but she knows it’s better to be safe than sorry. 

 

The boy stares at her for a short while, completely in silence and with his blank expression back on his face. She doesn’t know what’s going on in his mind as he watches her, but she can tell he’s studying her. It’s funny how just from this short moment that she can tell a lot about this boy. He’s on edge. Even though she looks so much weaker than him, the boy has made sure to maintain enough distance between them to keep himself safe while also being close enough to monitor every movement she makes. 

 

If she has to fight this boy, there is no way she will survive. 

 

“I don’t think a girl like you would make a great meal.” His answer is so blunt that Hinami stumbles over her thoughts for a few moments. It’s only when she notices the hints of a smirk tugging at the edges of his lips that she realises that he is teasing her. But there is not a single change in his demeanour. He’s still on edge, like someone who’s been taught never to trust anyone they come into contact with. 

 

She disregards his joke. “I was going to go home in that taxi,” she complains. 

 

“That taxi?” he scoffs. “You’re lucky I was here to stop you or you definitely would not have ended up home.”

 

He’s probably trying to rile her up even more. God knows what kind of tricks this boy might have up his sleeve. He’s bad news. She knew that from the start. Talking to him had only heightened this feeling. 

 

“I don’t have time for this,” she snaps, pushing past him and walking off. She could wait for another taxi but dealing with that boy had exhausted her. She doesn’t want to flag another taxi. God knows what kind of experience she’s going to have then. 

 

She chooses to walk instead, picking up her speed as she rushes off from that site. She hears the boy call out for her but she makes no attempt to respond. He’d been rude to her in the first place. She doesn’t have a reason to be nice to him, aside maybe her own safety. But she doubts even a person like that would hurt her right in the middle of a crowded street. He’d have his face revealed to the public. If he’s really some ruthless killer, he would probably have a mask and the CCG would probably know him by an alternate name.

 

Hinami makes sure to check over her shoulder as she heads back to the cafe. She doesn’t see him behind her. She supposes she might be worrying too much. That boy probably has other better things to do with his life-- better people to kill, unlike a girl like her who apparently wouldn’t make a good meal. Maybe she was obsessing over the incident too much. 

 

When she returns home, Touka is standing by the door, annoyance scrawled on her face. When she sees Hinami, she scowls. Her reaction reminds Hinami about the boy she met earlier on. Maybe at one point, Touka was like that as well. Hinami never knew Touka when she was in her early teens but she has heard that her big sister was a pretty ruthless and wild ghoul. She’d seen how skillful Touka is at fighting and using her kagune. Things like this don’t come out of nowhere. She must have trained and prepared herself. 

 

“You’re late,” Touka snaps. She takes the bags from Hinami and walks in. Hinami follows behind her. 

 

Banjou is already there with his three subordinates. His eyes light up at the sight of Hinami, waving happily to her. He’s in the middle of drinking with Nishio, Koma and Irimi so he doesn’t make an attempt to walk over to her. Instead, Hinami’s right about to head over to them, when Touka grabs her arm. 

 

“You’re not going anywhere without an explanation,” Touka says. Behind her, Yomo watches them, his eyes less stern but just as concerned. 

 

“I walked home so it got late,” Hinami admits. 

 

“You walked home?” Touka raises her voice and Hinami notices that she’d gotten everyone else’s attention. “Why would you do that? It’s late. The streets are dangerous at night.” 

 

“I know, Onee-chan. I’m sorry.”

 

“Could you not get a taxi?” Touka asks. She seems so disappointed that Hinami knows she has to tell Touka the truth here. It wasn’t her fault. She doesn’t want Touka to think it is. She doesn’t mind taking the fall for people important to her, but not some random stranger on the street. 

 

“I met someone and he was a jerk,” Hinami admits. 

 

Touka raises her eyebrows. “A jerk?”

 

“Yeah, he pulled me away from the taxi and closed the door. Then it drove away,” Hinami says. 

 

“What?” Touka seems more confused than anything. Hinami supposes she would too if she’s hearing this story from someone else. It doesn’t seem like something that would normally happen.

 

“He did it thinking I was a human and then he got annoyed when he found out I am a ghoul,” Hinami continues. “He said something about how I should be glad he stopped me or else I wouldn’t have gotten home.” 

 

Touka’s confusion remains. Hinami can tell that she’s doubting her story. She knows that Touka is only believing her for now because of who she is-- Hinami never lies and Touka knows that.

 

“Couldn’t you have waited for another taxi?” Touka asks. She’s probably still partly annoyed, but she’s too confused to make that known. 

 

“He annoyed me,” Hinami replies simply. 

 

The cafe falls silent for a moment, all eyes on Hinami. The silence is almost deafening-- Hinami’s ears can pick up everyone’s heartbeat, their breathing, the slight creaks in the chairs whenever someone moves-- but it shatters all of a sudden when Nishio begins laughing. Everyone turns to him. He’s standing, hands sliding into the pockets of his hoodie, shaking his head. 

 

“I didn’t think someone like you can even get annoyed,” Nishio says. He looks at her with a playful grin. “Should have given him a slap.” 

 

Touka rolls her eyes as Koma, Banjou and gas masks laugh a little as well. Irimi has a slight smile on her face. Yomo seems emotionless, his eyes fixed on Hinami. 

 

“You alright?” he asks. Hinami nods, only for Yomo to narrow his eyes a little. “Are you sure? You look a little bit pale.” 

 

Hinami doesn’t get a chance to answer as Touka walks up to her and bends down a little, studying her from a close distance, their faces merely inches apart. Touka frowns. “He’s right. You look paler than usual. Did that boy do something to you?” 

 

“The boy? The one at the taxi? He didn’t do anything else...” Her voice trails off as she speaks. He had creeped her out. Anyone who smells that much of blood would make her feel that way. 

 

“Are you sure? Did you see something else then?” Touka asks. 

 

Hinami glances away, wondering if she should be honest with Touka. She doesn’t want to rely on :re. It’s possible that Touka might not let her out of the place if she knew about this. But at the same time, what if that boy does come after her? Hinami can’t fight. She won’t be able to escape alive. 

 

“That boy… He smelled of blood,” she says slowly.

 

Touka straightens her back, her brows furrowed. “Blood? Well, if he’s a ghoul then maybe he just had a meal--”

 

“No,” Hinami cuts in. She hadn’t meant to reply so quickly, but it just happened subconsciously. “It’s not like that. He smelled very strongly of blood and I could tell there was both human and ghoul blood on him. It was… scary. The smell… was so scary.” 

 

She feels her palms hurting and she realises that she has her fists clenched so hard, nails digging into her skin. She’d been annoyed back then and had responded in the heat of the moment, but now as she spends more time thinking about it, it starts to weigh on her just how stupidly dangerous that situation was. She really could have died. 

 

“I see,” Touka murmurs. The light-hearted atmosphere of the cafe had died down. Touka turns her back to Hinami, walking to the windows. She stands still, but Hinami can tell from her body language that she’s looking around, observing the street outside. Suddenly, she stiffens before she turns and starts to run towards the door. “There’s someone in the alley!” 

 

At Touka’s yell, the rest spring up to their feet as well. Nishio runs out after her. Yomo follows but stops by the door. Irimi and Koma move to the window, watching the two outside. Hinami’s about to rush out as well, but Banjou appears by her side, holding her by her shoulder. He shakes his head when she looks up at him. 

 

_ Of course.  _ Whoever is watching them is probably an enemy. Hinami can’t do anything from going after Touka and Nishio. 

 

It’s about ten minutes later before Touka and Nishio return. Touka closes the door, locks it and motions for everyone to move to the backroom. As they’re moving in, she turns off the lights to the cafe. It’s only after she enters and closes the door to the back room as well that Touka starts talking. 

 

“There wasn’t anyone there. Whoever it is probably escaped already by the time we got there,” Touka says.

 

“That fast?” Banjou groans. 

 

“Probably an ukaku,” Nishio replies. “There was a manhole there. He likely escaped through the sewers. Pursuing him might have led us to an ambush so we came back.” 

 

“Do you think he’s the same person Hina-chan met?” Banjou asks. He’s holding her shoulder again, squeezing it a little. “Will we be safe? Will Hina-chan be okay?” Banjou’s voice has an urgent tinge to it. He’s worried. He’s worried  _ about her _ . 

 

Of course he’s worried about her-- they all are. She’s the only one who can’t defend herself there. She’s the burden they had taken in and now have to protect. 

 

“I don’t know,” Touka admits. “Maybe it’ll be better for Hinami to stay hidden for awhile.” 

 

“Hidden?” Hinami repeats, sitting upright. 

 

“Yeah. Just stay in your room for the next few days,” Touka says. She crosses her arms, looking deep in thought even when she speaks. Hinami is bewildered. She had expected Touka to keep her in the cafe, but in her room? That’s ridiculous. 

 

“But Onee-chan, does that mean I can’t work in the cafe?” she asks.

 

“Of course not,” Touka replies. “We don’t know anything about the person following you so it’s better to be safe than sorry.” 

 

“But--”

 

“If you stay in your bedroom, you will definitely be safe.”

 

Hinami looks around. No one is saying anything but she can see it on everyone’s faces. They agree with Touka. All of them think Hinami should be hiding-- just like back when her parents died. Touka and Kaneki had protected her back then and now, Hinami’s sure Touka just wants her to leave it to her and :re. It is the safest option after all. It’s not like Hinami knows how to defend herself. 

 

“But Onee-chan,” she murmurs. She doesn’t want it. She doesn’t want to hide; she doesn’t want to be a burden waiting to be protected. She’s here. She’s part of them. She wants to stand by them and fight. “I don’t want to hide.” 

 

Touka’s eyes harden and she raises an eyebrow. “What do you want to do then?” 

 

“I want to…” She feels her cheeks flushing and she glances around warily. Everyone’s eyes are on her. She feels the pressure weighing on her shoulders. Should she really say this? What would they think? Maybe she should just leave everything to them after all. 

 

_ No _ . 

  
There won’t be a second time. She has to keep telling herself that. She needs to stand up. She can’t be a child any longer. 

 

“I want to fight with everyone,” she says. “Onee-chan, you can teach me to fight, right?”

 

She can sense the surprise and disbelief in the room even without looking around. She doesn’t even want to look at their faces now. The only face she wants to see is Touka. Hinami raises her head to meet her gaze. Touka’s face is cold. There’s coldness in her expression. But the coldness feels distant. Her eyes are clouded. Whatever that’s bringing out this reaction isn’t Hinami. Rather, Hinami knows it’s something else-- something that must have hurt Touka a lot before-- and Hinami’s words must have brought back those memories for her. 

 

There’s a long silence, until Touka sighs. The hardness in her expression fades and she’s left with a soft smile. She squats, bringing herself to Hinami’s level. She raises her hands and rests them on Hinami’s shoulders, squeezing lightly. 

 

“That’s ridiculous,” Touka says. “You don’t have to do that. You never know what will happen if you go down that road. You’re strong enough as you are. You don’t need any more power. It’ll be fine. Just stay in your room for a few days. Once we’re sure it’s safe, you can come back to work.” 

 

There’s something heavy behind Touka’s words. Even though Hinami wants to argue, she holds herself back. She can tell there’s a reason that Touka is acting this way-- something deeper behind the smile she has on her face right now. Whatever that is, Hinami knows Touka will never tell her. Touka barely talks about her life-- the bad parts especially. 

 

Touka gets up, still looking down at her and waiting for an answer. Hinami doesn’t think she has a choice. In fact, it’s unlikely that she’ll get a choice from anyone in :re. If Kaneki was here, maybe she could have asked him, but he isn’t. She can’t rely on him, or anyone around her. 

 

She pauses. Kaneki still managed to learn when he was alone, didn’t he? He had read from books. Maybe she should try her hand out at that too. 

 

She looks up at Touka and tries to flash the biggest smile she can manage right now. 

 

“I’m sorry for that weird question, Onee-chan. I’ll do as you say.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Thank you so much for reading my new multi-chapter fic! I decided to cut the chapters shorter so they won't become too overwhelming to write like Shattered was. I hope you enjoyed Chapter 1! I'm sorry we didn't get to see Ayato much, but the next chapter is in his perspective so look forward for that! 
> 
> This was an idea I had come up with some time in the past already. But I didn't want to be overwhelmed with writing so much. Now that Shattered has ended and I've taken a good break from writing, I decided to start on this one. I don't think it possibly could get better than Shattered, but I decided to try experimenting with them in such an AU. I think Hinami will be easy to work with for this fic. Her motivations and feelings are pretty clear and not so far from canon. But I think Ayato will be a challenge, which is something I am looking forward to. But whatever that is, I'll talk more about it when we get to Chapter 2, after Ayato appears (or, well, is named...).


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ayato's side of what happened in the previous chapter.

That girl… is strange. 

 

He hadn’t noticed she’s a ghoul, which is weird since he’s prided himself on his ability to differentiate humans and ghouls on sight. Maybe one-eyed ghouls might slip past his radar but this girl is very much a full ghoul. He’s confused for a moment as he stares at her. Why hadn’t he noticed it? 

 

She stares up at him defiantly, but he can see the fear in his eyes. He wonders why she’s afraid of him. Maybe it’s his expression. Miza had always complained about how unapproachable he looks. But Ayato doesn’t think that his glare is enough to strike  _ this _ much of fear in someone, especially someone who doesn’t know about his background and position in Aogiri. Everyone in Aogiri looks at him with such expressions-- fear, disgust and sometimes even hatred. He can’t blame them, especially since they  _ know  _ him. But not this girl. There has to be something else. 

 

The girl wrinkles her nose as she looks at him, now fuming over the taxi that had just left.  _ Ah, that must be it _ . She must have smelled something. Even he could smell it on himself, especially when he was in the small enclosed space of Saeki’s taxi earlier on. The stench of blood clung heavily to his body. He’s not too surprised about it. He’s been on missions after missions that night, hunting down ghouls and investigators both. He’s spilled a lot of blood. Even if none of them got on him, it’s not strange for the smell to cling on at least. She must have realised how much blood he’d seen today and that must have horrified her. He would have gotten scared as well if this was ten years ago. He can’t blame this girl if her sheltered upbringing shields her from the harsh realities of ghoul life.

 

And then, he gets his next answer. If she realised something about him from his smell, he must have missed something about her because of her smell. The girl smells of coffee-- understandable given the large bag of coffee beans she was clutching close to her chest. But there’s nothing beyond that-- no smell of blood from slain victims, no stench of sweat from never-ending battles. It’s almost like she smells of flowers and sunshine. Her scent makes him think of serene fields, silently swaying in the wind, carrying along pink and white petals. Her smell reminds him of the past, back when he always had his hand in someone else’s, running under the sunlight looking for worms for their pet bird-- back when he was innocent, back when he was young, back when he still had kindness and goodness in his heart. 

 

There’s nothing about her that smells like a monster at all. 

 

Even when she speaks, she’s unsure and worried. He can tell how much of an act she’s putting on. He’s interrogated people in Aogiri before. He can tell just how much they believe in the words they’re saying. This girl has no faith in her words or in herself. But for some reason, even though she realises that he’s a danger to her, she seems to be stepping up against him. 

 

Maybe he should play with her a little. 

 

“Were you going to eat me?” Her voice is a whisper when she says this. It’s so ridiculous. It’s as if they’re talking about some highly confidential information or something so intimate and private that it’s to be shrouded in secrecy from the rest of the world. But he supposes, the life of a ghoul is just like that-- always in secret, always masked. 

 

“I don’t think a girl like you would make a great meal,” he says. That’s probably the biggest lie he’s said in the past week or more. This girl looks like a  _ perfect _ meal and he doesn’t only mean that in a literal sense. She’s short and really tiny. He’s at least twenty centimetres taller than her. If he moves any closer to her, he can easily tower over this girl. But even when she’s small, she’s far from petite. Her body is curvy-- there’s quite a bit of meat on her hips and legs. He’d definitely eat her if she’s a human. 

 

He hasn’t eaten in awhile. Simply standing here, watching is making him hungry, or at least, he thinks it’s hunger. There’s a craving deep within him. Something that makes him want to reach for that girl. But he holds back. He shouldn’t do anything stupid in this place, amidst so many humans. 

 

His comment seems to annoy her. He can see her fuming even when she tries to act nonchalant. She nods towards the direction that Saeki’s taxi had driven off in. “I was going to go home in that taxi.”

 

So that’s what she’s upset about. He’d been too confused he hadn’t exactly paid much mind to the conversation they had initially. “That taxi? You’re lucky I was here to stop you or you definitely would not have ended up home.” 

 

Technically, she might. Saeki had never attacked ghouls before-- or had he, Ayato wonders, only for them to never be known since it’s not like ghouls’ deaths at the hands of other ghouls get reported. Saeki is a pervert and Ayato has seen the way he’s looked at the female ghouls in Aogiri. Of course, he knows better than to do anything there. Most of those ghouls were stronger than him anyway. But that man still never got on Ayato’s good side before. Even though he does everything Ayato tells him to and he has helped Aogiri out a great deal, he is simply disgusting. 

 

Ayato might have renounced his relationship with his sister but he knows he’d die before he lets Saeki come within 10 meters of her. If the girl in front of him had gotten on the taxi, he wonders what would have happened. Would Saeki have mistaken her as a human and tried to have his way with her as well? 

 

He did her a good thing he supposes, by stopping her from getting on the taxi. But he might have inconvenienced her too. He doesn’t think he should leave her like that. Maybe once upon a time, he might have. Back then, he wouldn’t even bother if she had gotten on that taxi. But he remembers what Shachi had taught him before leaving Aogiri. It had sounded so much like his father-- a little kindness goes a long way so help people out as much as you can. But there has to be some truth in his words. Shachi is the only ghoul he knows off (before himself) who’s an SS-rate without a kakuja. Tatara is strong and big and he’d beat the shit out of Ayato before Ayato can even see it coming. But he, just like Ayato’s father, just like Eto, just like Yamori, ate other ghouls too-- something which Ayato never ever wants to do. 

 

So what makes Shachi different from the other Aogiri superiors? He had been curious and he had gone to the old man, only to receive Kirishima Arata-like sermons day after day. Even still, Ayato continues to listen to them. Aogiri and Tatara’s methods had failed him. Their strength did nothing to help him when he was under Kaneki’s foot, having his bones broken one at a time. 

 

“I don’t have time for this.” She snaps at him and it takes him by surprise. This girl might be a lot tougher than she looks. He’s stunned for a moment and by the time he’s snapped back to his senses, she has pushed past him and is walking off. He watches her back for a moment, still a little confused, before realising that she must have gotten his intentions wrong. 

 

“Wait! I can get you another one!” he calls out. She doesn’t respond, simply continuing to walk off. He continues staring at her retreating back and then, he sighs, walking after her. He has time now. He’s supposed to report to base and Tatara would give him his next mission. If he’s too late, he can always just push the blame onto Saeki’s taxi and a traffic jam or something. There’s nothing even the great SS~-rated Tatara-san can do against a traffic jam. 

 

Besides, the girl is so intriguing, Tatara seems to have faded off into a smaller figure in his mind. 

 

Ayato catches up with her pretty quickly. He keeps a safe distance away from her but realises that she doesn’t seem to have noticed him following her. Any of his Aogiri targets might have noticed him from this distance. As brave of her to stand up against him just now, she’s far too oblivious for a ghoul. She must be lucky; she must have been really sheltered. Ayato bets he’d be just like her if his parents were still alive; they never used to let him out of their sight. He wonders if her parents are around, if this girl knows the pain of losing someone. 

 

He catches himself right there-- no, there isn’t pain. Just disappointment. He isn’t sad, or upset, by his parents’ deaths. He knows why they died. He knows it’s their fault. There is no reason to be sad. They dug their own graves. 

  
Even when he keeps reciting this to himself, his throat constricts, like he’s swallowed a million pins recently, and his heart stings. 

 

He shakes his head.  _ No no no. No pain. _ He’s not supposed to feel. He clutches his arms, hugging himself tightly. He’s not supposed to feel, he’s not supposed to care. He just needs to keep walking. 

 

They’re at an emptier part of town now and if she happens to turn behind, he might easily be caught. Still keeping an eye on her, he dashes across the road to the other side, widening the distance but still keeping her in a place he can see clearly. She walks briskly, as if she’s rushing for time. He wonders if there’s somewhere she urgently needs to be. Maybe that’s why she wanted a taxi. He might have caused her some problems. 

 

But even then, he saved her life, did he not? 

 

_ Why? _

 

_ You’re going soft _ . 

 

Tatara’s condescending voice rings in the back of his mind. Ayato clutches his shirt. This isn’t the case. This  _ cannot _ be the case. He’s already so much softer than everyone in Aogiri. 

 

Shachi is kind but he’s also strong and tough. Arata was kind but he’s the weakest person ever. Tatara is strong but he throws people away when he’s done with them. Ayato’s mind spins when he thinks of them. He doesn’t know where he fits in that spectrum. He wants to be like Shachi, after having given up on his childish adoration and idolization of _Tatara-san_. But he’s seen the man and he’s spent time getting to know him. Ayato knows he can’t be like him, not at least in the coming days. It’ll be long before he’d ever get up to that standard. Shachi is an SS-rated ghoul because of his strength. Ayato’s one because of his indiscriminate killings. As much as he likes to think he’s nothing like Tatara, he knows he’s closer to Tatara than he ever will be to Shachi.

 

His eyes move back to the girl. She’s stopped by a cafe and is reaching to open the door. Ayato halts in his steps as well, slipping into the darkness of the nearby alley as he watches across the street. He pulls on his hood and slides his hands into his pocket, standing as close as he can to the wall as he watches the cafe. He doesn’t think anyone should be able to see him. God knows what would happen if he’s spotted. The moment she slips into the cafe, his eyes trail along its length, lazily staring into the glass windows.

 

And then, he freezes. It’s like his blood turned to ice almost instantly when he sees the people inside the cafe. He recognizes them. Sitting at one side, he sees Banjou and his usual crew. He sees Koma and Irimi-- the waiter and waitress from Anteiku back when he first stepped into the place. Among the group is a bespectacled person with wavy hair that falls to his neck. Ayato doesn’t recognize him instantly but he does seem familiar. It takes a moment, before a small image surfaces in his mind of a day he’d tried so hard to forget. His blood runs cold. This man was on the roof as well. He was the one with Touka when Ayato ambushed them. He was the one Kaneki left Touka with before he went and… before he went to…

 

_ I'll half-kill you.  _

 

It’s starting to get really hard to breathe. Ayato takes a few steps backwards. His fists are clenched tightly together, nails digging into his palm so hard that they start to hurt. Ayato realises that he’s made a mistake. Following that girl is a mistake. This whole thing is a mistake. He should really have not bothered about her. This is all so stupid. Tatara is right he shouldn’t bother being kind. He should never have cared about that girl at all. 

 

He’s about to turn away when movement from the cafe catches his eyes. Someone walks up to the window. If he was frozen earlier on, now, he’s turned to stone. This is impossible. This is wrong. That person cannot be there. 

 

He blinks, closes his eyes and rubs them hard. She’d be gone when he opens them. This must just be a hallucination. He must have gotten too frightened from thinking about what Kaneki did that he’s imagining her here. 

 

He opens his eyes and he wants to just disappear. She’s still there. Her body is tenser now. She’s squinting, looking in his general direction. 

 

“Aneki…” He lets his voice out against his wishes and it cracks as he speaks.  _ No no no. This can’t be real. This is not real. _

 

He continues staring at Touka, who is looking towards him. She shouldn’t be able to spot him. But with her just looking towards him, it feels like she’s looking at him. It feels like he has his heart in his mouth right now. His head is spinning.

 

_ Why is Touka here? _

 

His throat feels dry. But for a moment, he considers walking up to her, entering the cafe and meeting her. He feels himself taking a step forward as well. But he wills himself to stop. He can’t go up to her right now, not as he is, not after everything he’s done. He can’t be stupid. 

 

But even now, it seems like he’s already done something stupid enough. Even his slight movement was enough to catch his sister’s eye. Touka stiffens immediately and Ayato can tell that he’s been spotted. He doesn’t think she can see enough to recognize who he is, but he knows that she can tell someone is watching. 

 

The moment Touka starts to walk, he knows he’s fucked up. It takes a whole lot out of him to tear his eyes away from the cafe and run. As he moves through the alleyway, he can hear footsteps behind him. She’s fast. This isn’t a part of town he’s used to, unlike her. If he keeps running, she might just catch up with him. He stops, looking around, trying to find anywhere at all that he might escape from her. 

 

There isn’t any way he can jump up to the roofs easily and he’s sure that even if he does, she might catch up with him. He eyes fall on a manhole a short distance away from him. He doesn’t know how well she might know the undergrounds, but he’s sure that it’s much easier to escape pursuit in the sewers than it is in the open. Without wasting much time, he lifts the cover and jumps in, praying that she doesn’t follow or find him. 

* * *

It takes a while before he manages to find a way out of the sewers. By now, he’s sure he doesn’t smell too good. He doesn’t want to be in Saeki’s taxi like that. Blood is bearable, but this? He needs a shower.

 

He should really be getting back to Aogiri. He can always take a shower there. But his legs seem to have their own idea, opting to turn away from the hideout and head to another part of town he’s familiar with but rarely visits. 

 

The streets are quiet by the time he reaches the somewhat run-down red building he hasn’t visited in a while. He glances around, almost subconsciously, before heading up the stairs and walking towards a particular apartment. It’s been awhile since he’s been here. He’s sure that the rent is almost due as well. He should remember to slide some money into the landlord’s place when he leaves later on as well. 

 

He opens the door and turns on the light to an apartment that still seems foreign to him. No matter how much he tries to personalise it, it never feels safe. It provides him with some peace and quiet, some place to think, but it’s far from a place he’d ever use as a safe haven. 

 

But at least, it has some hot water and a proper mattress with comfortable and soft covers. 

 

He knew he was taking a big risk when he rented this place out. Aogiri would definitely not keep quiet about it if everyone finds out about it. Hell, if Tatara ever finds out, Ayato’s sure he’s dead. Tatara would definitely not like Ayato lounging about somewhere when he should be back in Aogiri working. It’s not like the concept of rest and free time made any sense to Tatara. 

 

The entire building is pretty much filled with humans anyway. Ayato doesn’t know his neighbours since he isn’t around most of the time-- when he does come back, it’s during weird hours anyway-- but he can tell from the way the place smells that there’s no a single ghoul living here. It reminds him of his home back when he was still a small child-- the home that turned him away and almost got him killed. A place filled with humans can never be safe. Ayato knows that better than anyone. 

 

_ Definitely better than Touka _ . 

 

His heart stings again. He tries to ignore the gnawing in his chest as he strips himself and steps into the shower. He tries to let the hot water falling onto him wash away those feelings just as it washes away his fatigue. But that’s far from successful. He brings his hand up to his chest; he can still feel his heart racing. His head is in shambles. It feels so heavy--  _ he  _ feels so heavy. 

 

He’s tired-- so tired. Today had been such a strange day. First, with that girl and then, with Touka. 

 

His opens his eyes, watching the water swirl about on his floor as it’s being drained out. He wishes his memories can be thrown away that easily. If he could forget about his family, everything would be so much easy. Sometimes, he feels that he’s almost close to doing that, but something will always happen to remind him of them. 

 

Just like today. 

 

Just like  _ that girl _ .

 

He wonders what that girl has to do with Touka. He wonders if they’re close. He wonders how long they’ve known each other. Was she someone who stumbled into Anteiku as he and Touka had done in the past? Or was she some random ghoul who happened to find Touka’s cafe and decided to work there? What kind of relationship does she have with Touka?

 

He wonders if she knows how Touka had gotten to that point. After Anteiku fell, he knew that Touka was still alive-- it was unlikely that the old man and his friends would simply just let her die. They loved her far too much for that-- they loved her more than they cared about him even. They might have left Ayato to fend for himself, but he knows more than anyone that they would never leave Touka to her own devices. 

 

So then, what happened? How did Touka come to that point? What did she do after Anteiku was torn to shreds by the Doves? Was she alone? Did she have to re-gather everyone and set up a new cafe or were they always together? The old man wasn’t there after all. Maybe she’s still searching for him. 

 

Just like she’d gone searching for Kaneki back then. 

 

Unlike how she’d been with Ayato. 

 

The sting appears again, this time sharper than before. He glances to his chest. He’s digging his fingers into his skin far too hard; he’s drawing blood. He lets his hand drop to his side and lets out a sigh. He made the right decision coming here instead of Aogiri. He can’t imagine the kind of expression he has on his face right now. More so than that, he doesn’t even want to think about the kind of reaction Tatara would have to it. He might just… 

 

Ayato shakes his head, forcing the image out of his mind. His body tingles a little from the imagined pain.  _ No _ . He isn’t going to let this bother him. He shouldn’t. He should just go to bed. He’d deal with everything else tomorrow, with-- hopefully-- a clearer head and a calmer mind. 

 

He finishes his shower quickly and leaves, not bothering to dry himself off or pull on any clothes. He throws himself on his bed, pulling the covers over and wrapping them around himself. Even though the day was pretty cold, this feels warm. He’s almost comfortable. He closes his eyes, trying his best to empty his mind. He wants to sleep. He needs sleep anyway. He doesn’t get any when he’s in Aogiri. Tatara would always have some new task for him. 

 

But here, he’s alone. He can do whatever he wants. 

  
Sometimes, he can even pretend that he’s just a normal teenager going to bed after a long day of school and homework and that when he opens his eyes, all that awaits him is just another mundane day of doing nothing but lazing around in school with his friends, worrying only about the upcoming exams and college admissions and shit kids his age always do. 

 

He knows that all he has to look forward to is more blood and death-- the pain in the eyes of his victims as they breathe their last breaths, the pain that shoots through him whenever he sees another comrade fall and the pain he feels physically whenever he makes one mistake. Sometimes, those thoughts almost bring tears to his eyes--  _ almost _ . But he can’t cry. He won’t. He might scream. He might cuss. He might murder everyone in a fit of rage. 

 

But he cannot cry. 

 

He didn’t cry when he realised that no one from Anteiku was coming after him. He didn’t cry when Tatara dragged him to Aogiri and put him through gruelling ‘training’ sessions. He didn’t cry when Kaneki had him pinned down while his bones were broken one after another. If he didn’t cry from any of that, he’s not going to cry from anything else. 

 

_ Especially not from seeing Touka _ . 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I should put this out here in case people mistake me. I hope everyone understands that what Ayato says about Touka in this chapter is just what he thinks. Whether or not they're true, we'll know as we go on in the story.
> 
> So, just some thoughts about Ayato. This fic is really different from my other one because I think there's so much more I can explore with Ayato here-- what would Ayato be like after having his bones broken by Kaneki, having met Shachi and opening his eyes to the fact that Aogiri was not what he used to think it was, but at the same time, not having Hinami's compassion and warmth by his side like he did in canon? There are so many possibilities depending on how much Hinami could have influenced him. I like to think that Hinami doesn't actually change Ayato in any way and that who he becomes in :re is him just being truer to himself and it's the courage to be honest with himself that he gets from Hinami. So that's the interpretation I decided to go with in this fic. 
> 
> The Ayato in this story is someone who no longer believes in what Tatara and the rest of Aogiri has taught him. Yet, he struggles with accepting what he learns from Shachi because he doesn't believe in himself enough to accept them fully. I think meeting Hinami will slowly change that and he'll start to become more like how he is in canon. But we'll see as that goes on. 
> 
> Thank you for reading! Do leave some reviews and kudos! :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ayato tries to figure out more about Touka's cafe and that girl he met.

He doesn’t sleep well that night. He’s jolted awake for what feels like every five minutes to him. It’s nothing new for his nights to be plagued with nightmares, but he doesn’t seem to remember anything every time he wakes up. But every time he jumps up, he forces himself to lie back down and close his eyes. He doesn’t get a chance to sleep much in Aogiri. Tatara is always determined to work him to the bone. Whenever Ayato finds even a minute of free time, someone shows up with a new job for him. Sometimes he feels that he really should learn to turn down Naki and Miza; he has his own stuff to worry about before theirs. But he doesn’t ever want to imagine what could possibly happen to them if they ever mess up badly enough that Tatara decides to step in. It’s better for him to lose some sleep helping them than to lose sleep over guilt if something does happen to them because he refuses to help them. 

 

Eventually, he somehow manages to fall asleep without waking up. Perhaps, just like his body, even his mind had gotten exhausted-- too much to conjure up images or even to pay any mind to his worries and fears.

 

He only wakes up upon hearing soft vibrations and it takes a moment for him to recognize it as his phone ringing. He sits up slowly, stretching while he blinks his eyes to clear his blurry vision. His room is already bright, with sunlight streaming in through the window. He didn’t close the blinds last night, he realises. 

 

The vibrating sound continues. Ayato gets out of bed, looking around. It’s his phone. It can’t be anything else. Yet, looking around leaves him confused for a moment. Where did he place it last night? It’s not on the small black table he has by his bedside. That’s where he normally puts it anyway. It takes awhile for him to remember what happened last night and when he does remember, he realises it’s probably still in the pocket of the jeans he was wearing yesterday. 

 

As his phone continues to ring, Ayato opens his closet for a moment to pull out a pair of boxers and sweatpants. He takes his time to pull them on before he heads to the bathroom. As he remembers, his clothes still lay messily on the floor. He gathers them, taking his phone out in the process, before tossing them into the laundry basket. 

 

It’s Tatara. 

 

“Where are you?” Cold as ever, Tatara does not bother with the greetings. 

 

“I’m… hiding,” he lies. 

 

“Why?” 

 

“Got chased by a bunch of Doves yesterday and they almost got me so I ran to hide.” The past him would probably have died before he told a lie like that, especially to Tatara. But right now, he doesn’t care. 

 

“Do you have the data with you?” 

 

He’d gotten it from Saeki last night. He was supposed to hand it over to Tatara immediately, but with what happened after he got out of Saeki’s taxi, it completely slipped from his mind. 

 

“Yeah.” 

 

Tatara hangs up without saying another word. 

 

Since Ayato had used hiding as an excuse, it means that he has some free time to himself right now. There are a lot of things he can do at that very moment. He can seek Shachi out and get some additional training. He can climb to the highest point of Tokyo to loosen up. He can go shopping and get himself some new clothes. There are tons of things that he had not gotten the chance to do lately due to how busy he had gotten in Aogiri. It’s unlikely he’d get some free time any time soon to do them. He really should go out. 

 

Or so he thinks, before throwing himself back down on the bed. 

 

He’s tired. His body aches even though he hasn’t done anything as exhausting as what he’s used to. He feels like sleeping even though he had just woken up from a really long sleep. Perhaps it’s easier to fool himself into thinking he’s fine when he is busy working, but with nothing to do now, everything that had been weighing on him just comes crashing down. 

 

He’s tired-- so so tired. 

 

His apartment is pretty much silent aside from noises from the street outside. He can hear a group of kids playing below. He hears cars on the street. He doesn’t hear anything too dangerous or threatening. But he keeps his ears strained, still listening. His old neighbourhood had sounded like that too. Everyone had been happy and nice. But that didn’t stop him and Touka from being turned in by their very own neighbour. 

 

Humans are the same. They will never change. He can never trust them. But if there is one thing his time in Aogiri has taught him, it’s that ghouls are the same. It must just be the world. Everyone cannot be trusted, not even the people closest to you. 

 

But although he tells himself that a part of him snickers at his naive thoughts. He can try to act as strong as he wants but it knows that deep down, it’s harder to tell yourself not to trust someone than it is to actually not trust them. He had known from back when he was a little kid that he needed to keep humans in the distance. But the moment his father didn’t come back, his instinct was to cry to the nearest person for help. When Oba-chan had asked them if everything was okay, he had spoken without thinking-- “Father is--”

 

That was stupid. 

 

In the end, whatever he said wouldn’t have mattered. The old lady had already known the truth. She had cast them aside just like that even though they had known her for years. Just like that. She threw them to the Doves. 

 

People cannot be trusted. No one can be trusted.

 

He wonders how his sister has not yet realised that. How is she still able to be around people-- around humans? Screw humans, how can she trust ghouls? She isn’t in some kind of fucked up organization like Aogiri is. There is nothing stopping her from keeping to herself. Yet she’s living on, with other people. 

  
_Even though her own brother had betrayed her…_

 

He turns to his side and curls into himself, closing his eyes tightly and trying to force the thoughts out of his head. He didn’t do anything wrong, technically. He had let her off easy. He hadn’t killed her. He’s beaten her to a pulp but he _needed_ to do it so she’d stay down and keep away from the other Aogiri members. No one else would give her that kind of mercy. 

 

He keeps telling himself that, trying his best to ignore _that_ part of himself, laughing and mocking him. That’s not true. That’s not true at all. In the end, he did what he did because he lost it. At that very moment, seeing her face and hearing those stupid words in her voice had snapped him. His anger had taken control. A part of him wanted to prove to her-- she was wrong and he was right. He wanted to show her the truth, the reality. 

 

But in the end, it was only he who was blinded. Touka was right, about some stuff at least. Aogiri really is a useless organisation. He really is being stupid joining something like that. Maybe if he had left that night, he wouldn’t be so tied up in it that leaving seemed impossible.

 

He almost snorts at the thought. _Leaving? Hah._ It’s not like he can leave in the first place. He has nowhere to go if he does. 

 

He turns to lie on his back, his eyes fixed on the ceiling. His walls are blue-- light and dull. They’re really dirty. He isn’t around enough to clean and he had not bothered about changing the colors of the walls when he first rented the place. The color, he supposes, must have been a nice one once upon a time. Now, it’s murky and disgusting. He closes his eyes, trying to visualize what it might have looked like. 

 

Blue. Light blue. 

 

_Kinda like Aneki’s hair yesterday._

 

Her hair had looked different. He opened his eyes again and wonders about it. Had she dyed her hair? Why? 

 

He reaches for his phone and holds it above his head, staring at the faint reflection of himself on the screen. It’s mostly black and he can’t make out the color much, but he’s sure that her hair is far different from his right now. They’d always look alike-- enough for people to mistake them for each other despite their obviously different sexes. Then again, that shouldn’t be the case now, right? Even if their facial features are different, their bodies have changed far too much. He frowns, thinking hard. He knows how his sister looks like-- he’d be able to recognize her on sight. But every time he tries to picture her, he sees her younger self. She must have changed a lot from then as well. The last time they met, they’d been almost the same size. He’s grown so much taller now that he’s sure he’d be able to tower over her. 

 

Kinda like he did with that girl last night. 

 

He groans, dropping the phone on the bed. That girl was another strange thing about last night. Who is she? What does she have to do with Touka? Is she simply just a barista in Touka’s cafe? She was there pretty late though. The cafe was past closing hours when she arrived. It’s unlikely that Banjou and his team would be there so openly if the cafe had still been open. He wonders where the girl went and who she is. 

 

He sits up. There’s no use wondering he supposes. He won’t get answers this way. The only way he can get those answers is to go searching for them. 

 

* * *

 

He was so lost in his own thoughts yesterday that he hadn’t paid much mind to where Touka’s cafe is. He tries to wreck his mind for anything which could possibly remind him of anything about the place. Standing right outside his apartment complex, he closes his eyes and tries his best to block out the voices of the group of kids playing right by him. 

 

There must be something. He forces himself to conjure up the image he saw while standing hidden in the alley-- how the street had looked like, how the buildings had appeared to be-- anything. It wasn’t a part of town he’s familiar with. He rarely ever went there. There probably isn’t anything troublesome going on in that place he supposes. If there is, Aogiri would have been there and naturally, so would he. But even then, something continues to gnaw at him. The image he now sees so clearly in his eyes feels more painful than anything. 

 

Yes, it is a part of town he is unfamiliar with, but no, this is not a part of town where he’s new to. 

 

And then it hits him. He remembers the name. He starts to walk towards the general direction while fiddling with his phone, searching up the location. 

 

That street is a place he’s been before. It’s close to the alley where Touka and him had run into the creepy Gourmet guy all those years ago. He knows that place. He can go there. 

 

When he finds its exact location, he breaks into a sprint. It’s hard to run in the crowded Tokyo street anyway. He has to push past everyone and every time he does so, someone curses at him or groans in frustration. A voice at the back of his head is yelling at him. These are humans. He’s drawing their attention. They’re seeing him-- they’re seeing his face. 

 

He needs to calm down. He’s been calm all along. But as he nears the place, his heartbeat races and his breathing goes shallow. He’s running faster and faster. 

 

_Why?_

 

He doesn’t know. He just keeps running. 

 

_I can’t see her anyway._

 

He’s right but he keeps running. 

 

_I have no right._

 

He stops. The cafe is in his sight now. He sees the board outside. _:re_. _It’s called_ _:re_. He almost snorts-- what kind of name is that? But he’s silent. His body wouldn’t let him react. All it does is let him watch and that is all he does. 

 

Ayato moves to the spot from the previous day, but this time positioning himself better so that no one would notice him. He watches as customers stream in and out of the store. He watches as his sister greets every single one of them with a smile-- had she always been like that? The last few times he’s seen her, she’s never smiled a single time. 

 

_And whose fault is that?_

 

He doesn’t need anyone to answer that question for him, not even himself. His throat goes dry simply from thinking about it. Touka is definitely better off without him. He could never understand her the way the people around her had anyway. He got angry and upset with her far too quickly. He said things to her that are harsher than he ever meant for them to be. He’s been the world’s shittiest brother even before he decided to feast on her kagune on the rooftop. She is better off without him and he knows for a fact that all he deserves right now is to stay far away from her. Going to that cafe is the last thing he needs to do. 

 

But, he supposes, there’s nothing wrong in just watching.

 

Touka is there the entire time. Somethings don’t change, like how hardworking his sister is. The other staff rotate their shifts-- Irimi, Komo and Yomo. He doesn’t see the spectacled boy, nor does he see the girl from yesterday. He wonders if she even stays there. Maybe she just happened to be visiting last night. 

 

He stands there watching as the day goes on. The sky changes in color and the light starts to fade to dark. It is a busy day for Touka’s cafe today. She must have made a lot of money. Ayato bets she must be happy. 

 

He continues to watch even as the cafe closes and the staff starts to clean up. Touka doesn’t seem to falter even for a moment and Ayato finds himself curious-- not worried-- about how she’s taking everything. She hasn’t even had a moment of break. She’s always on her feet. She must be so tired, but she’s not letting it show on her face at all. He supposes she’s really dedicated to her work. 

 

Speaking of which, he knows he needs to head back to his. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out the chip-- the data that Tatara is waiting for. He’s made Aogiri wait far too long already. He should go back or Tatara and Eto might just push his jobs onto Naki and Miza instead. He pushes himself off the wall. This fantasy should come to an end. Time to head back into reality. 

 

He’s right about to walk off and then he stops. He spots a new figure in the cafe. It’s her—the girl from yesterday. He sees that the man in glasses is there as well but Ayato can’t care less about him. Instead, his eyes remain fixed on that girl, who has now joined in with helping the others clean. _So she does live here_. 

 

She smiles as she talks to Touka and the rest, getting along perfectly with everyone. Even the usually-emotionless Yomo smiles slightly at her. She isn’t someone random who happens to work in the shop. Ayato can tell from their interactions that she’s a part of them. She must have been from Aogiri too. 

 

Sometimes, it feels like his body has a mind of its own-- doing things he can never even hope to comprehend. He pockets the chip, only to take his phone out and turn on the camera. He takes a quick photo of the store before he turns around and starts to walk, his eyes fixed completely on the photo in his hands. 

 

Tatara can wait for another day at least. 

 

* * *

 

Aogiri has an ample supply of informers and Ayato knows that many of them will give him whatever he wants. None of them would even dare lie to him. But he doubts any of them would be able to give him the answers that he wants. What are the chances they knew Touka’s cafe? If they do, it would mean that the cafe is on Aogiri’s radar. If they don’t, Ayato might end up putting it on the radar through asking. Even if his sister means nothing to him right now, he doesn’t want that to happen. 

 

Back during his time in Anteiku, he knew that Yomo had another source of information-- a cheeky, mysterious woman who served as his personal eyes and ears (for a price of course). He and Touka had once tagged along with the sullen man-- back when all of them were much younger-- to visit her. Yomo never let them out of his sight back then, going to the extent of bringing them to a bar as well. 

 

Aogiri doesn’t really work with her much unless the organization is really desperate. She’s a clown after all and Tatara really does not like relying on other organizations, especially not the clowns. They can’t be trusted at all. But outside of Aogiri, on his own, Ayato doesn’t know where else to go. 

 

Standing outside her bar, Ayato takes a deep breath before he reaches for the knob of the door to push it open. He’s far too young to be entering a bar, he muses to himself. If he’s human, this will never be possible at all. But no one really cares about stuff like that when you’re a ghoul. He’s been doing things like this since he’s 14. It’s been a little harder to get his hands on alcohol and cigarettes ever since Miza joined Aogiri and decided to keep a stricter eye on him. It doesn’t bother Ayato much, however; he’s far too busy for stuff like that anyway and when he does get free time, he would rather spend it sleeping or training. 

 

Even for a woman with eyes everywhere, Itori seems surprised to see him enter her bar. It takes her a couple of seconds before she recognizes him, greeting him with a wide smirk. 

 

“Well, now, what can I do for such a high-ranking Aogiri Executive?” Itori laughs. She places the glass she’s wiping down on the counter and crosses her arms as she leans against it. Ayato takes a seat opposite of her. He glances around and only when he’s sure that they’re alone, does he take his phone out. 

 

“I need information on some people,” he says flatly. 

 

“I figured as much,” Itori sighs. Her expression remains unbothered. “What’s so important that you need to come to me?” 

 

“That’s none of your business,” he mumbles, fumbling with his phone. 

 

“Can’t blame me for being too curious, can you?” she grumbles, though she sounds more cheeky than anything. “It’s not every day you get someone so important like you in here.”

 

_Important?_ He scoffs at the word. Itori watches him silently as he shows her the picture. She takes the phone from him, stares at it, before she looks up at him again, slightly confused but mostly intrigued. A grin that seems somewhat evil starts to form on her face. 

 

“Oh, now, this is new,” she laughs. “Selling out your own sister to Aogiri now, are we?” 

 

It’s nothing like that at all, but Ayato does not see the need to correct her. He nods towards the phone. “Tell me about everyone in that photo.”

 

Itori’s amused expression does not fade but her brows furrow. “It’s going to cost you.”

 

“How much?” He tries to recall how much he had taken from his place just now. He doesn’t know what Itori’s rates are. He’s been so used to getting free information from Aogiri’s informants that Itori’s fees completely slipped his mind. 

 

“Well, money is pretty easy to get for people like us,” Itori says lazily, her attention turning back to the photo. “There are a couple of people I want dead. Could you do that for me?” 

 

He has always been asked to kill people so there’s nothing new there. “Deal.” 

 

“Nice, I’ll just key in the information for you over here,” she says, fumbling with his phone before he even gets a chance to say anything. He watches in silence as she does so, before pulling up the photo again. “So now, these people, huh?” 

 

“You’re telling me now?” 

 

“Don’t you want me to?” She’s looking up at him with that mischievous look again. It’s the kind of expression that makes you feel small. He knows she has him on her palm right now and that no matter what comes out of this deal, he’s just going to be dancing on her palm. 

 

“What makes you think I will do it?” he points out. 

 

“You wouldn’t want to get on the bad side of the clowns, now would you, Rabbit- _san_?” she snickers. He’s silent as he watches her. Her threat doesn’t really mean anything to him; he is planning on keeping his end of the deal. He’s sure she knows that as well. She looks down at the photo again. “Well, who do you want information on?” 

 

“All of them.” 

 

“Okay. Then I’ll start with the Manager. Kirishima Touka is--”

 

“I know who she is.” He blurts it out without meaning to. Itori looks at him and he shakes his head, glancing away. “Just move on to the next person.” 

 

“Fine. Ren-chan over here-- you know him too, right? Yomo Renji. He’s followed Touka-chan from Anteiku and he’s pretty much been helping her out with the cafe. Irimi Kaya and Koma Enji too. They’re the Black Dober and Devil Ape. You know them too, right? They were all there in Anteiku since a long time ago,” Itori continues. It feels like Itori is intentionally bringing up the fact that they’re all from Anteiku-- that they’re all people he knew and had left behind when he chose to cross over to the side he’s on right now. 

 

“I know all of them,” he grumbles. “Move on.” 

 

“Well then, I guess we’re left with Nishio Nishiki and Fueguchi Hinami,” Itori murmurs thoughtfully. Ayato sits up, eyes falling onto his phone’s screen as well. He has her name now. Fueguchi Hinami. It’s a cute name-- a really beautiful name. He stares at her figure in the photo. The name… suits her. 

 

Somehow, that thought gets him feeling really hot. He clenches his fist. _No._ He should focus on what Itori is saying. 

 

“Nishio is… he’s not really an interesting person. I guess he got stronger after Anteiku was destroyed. He was a nobody before that but he’s stronger now. His girlfriend is a human and I think she’s working with Kanou now,” Itori says thoughtfully. Working with Kanou would mean that she’s with Aogiri. She has to be one of the many humans in the labs. Ayato knows they’re around but he’s never been there before. It’s really none of his concern. 

 

“The CCG calls him the Serpent,” Itori says. 

 

“He’s the Serpent?” The piece of information catches him by surprise. It’s useful even. The Serpent has been going around hunting Aogiri members for a while. The organization had lost some strong fighters to him. Ayato never expected to come across this. 

 

“You didn’t know about that, huh?” Itori muses. “Here I was thinking you figured it out and that’s why you’re after them. Whatever in the world are you after, Ayato-kun? Are you really thinking of finishing your sister off once and for all?” 

 

Despite how stupid her statement seems to be, Itori is watching him with a playful glint in her eyes. She must be having fun. 

 

“That’s none of your business,” he mutters. “Hurry up and tell me about the last one.” 

 

“Hinami-chan? She isn’t really that important unless Aogiri wants her for her abilities,” Itori chuckles. 

 

“Her abilities?” 

 

“Hinami-chan is a very weak ghoul, or so anyone would think. But she’s pretty gifted. Her ears and nose are very sharp. I heard she’s a chimera too.” 

 

“A chimera?” 

 

“Her father’s rinkaku and her mother’s koukaku. She has basic defences and attacks nailed down even without any training just from her kagune’s abilities. She’s a sheltered child so she doesn’t know how to fight, unfortunately. The CCG used to call her the Daughter Ghoul when they were after her but they hadn’t seen much progress in her case ever since Rabbit and her killed the Dove leading it.”

 

That must have been the case that brought Touka directly in the CCG’s watch. That would explain why despite her choice to live a peaceful life, the CCG had somehow found out about her existence. If it’s to protect someone else, he can definitely see Touka killing. She’s such a person after all. 

 

He reaches for his phone and takes it from Itori. “Thanks. That’s all I need.” He gets up, fiddling with it as he starts to walk away. He can feel Itori’s eyes on him. 

 

“Hey, Ayato-kun,” she calls out lazily. “Aren’t you getting a little overconfident?” 

 

“What are you talking about?” He slows his pace as he walks, but doesn’t stop. 

 

“It’s pretty dangerous for Aogiri’s SS-rated Rabbit to be carrying a picture of his sister around, you know.” He’s at the door by the time she says this. Ayato doesn’t respond, merely choosing to leave the place instead. Those words don’t bother him.

 

He had already deleted the photo the moment he took the phone from her anyway. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Thank you everyone for supporting this fic! I'm pretty busy so I cannot guarantee frequent and scheduled updates. I try to be as fast as I can. The chapters to this fic are pretty short. But I'm busy in real life so that's a big UGH. 
> 
> Anyway, it's taking annoyingly long for Ayato and Hinami to meet and it's annoying me!! I want them to talk already but nooo, there's all these ~developments~ they have to go through first. Some time writing is so tiring. I just want to jump to the end where they all live happily ever after!! 
> 
> I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter! Do leave a kudos/review! Love you all! ( ´ ∀ `)ノ～ ♡

**Author's Note:**

> Please do leave a kudos and a review if you enjoyed this chapter! It will mean a lot to me! Thank you so much! See you soon.


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